Hi there Folks.
This here’s ya old buddy Billy Bob. Y’all know me. Ah’m the one that took up with that danged vaping and ah hear people bin wonderin’ how the heck ah’m doing.
Well ah am steel enjoying ma steam and heah is a pic of ma latest tank and mod. Y’all can’t see the power source as ah have it wired into the local mains elek-tri-citi grid. Ah’m still using grandmaws old still connected to some old sewer pipe ah dug up somewhere. That’s ma uncle Billy Bob takin’ a heck of a good suck on my latest e-juice concoction of 50% nic-o-teen and 50% battery acid. Hell that do pack one helluva punch.
Ma latest Vape. Danged sturdy too.
Now ah was living in Nohope, Kentucky with ma sister Mary Sue n ar baby Billy Bob an here’s ar latest pic. As y’all can see Mary Sue is specting again. We are not sure but grandmaw reckons this time it’ll be a boy or a gal. We sure hope so only old Barack (he’s ma dawg ) has got awful keen on humpin Mary Sue’s leg lately and we don’t need no more puppies.
Me, Mary Sue n lil Billy Bob. She’s spectin’ agin.
Ah just got three new coon hounds and that is the danged limit as them n Barack are eatin us outta the trailer.
Ma new ‘coon hounds. Trying to train em not to hump the dang coons.
We have had ta leave Nohope, Kentucky now and we are livin’ with kinfolk in Mississippipipi. This is due to that danged sewer pipe I found and this is the story.
I was talking to grandpaw one day. Barack was a humpin’ his leg but the old feller didn’t seem to mind none, and we started a talkin’ about metal dee-tek-tors. Ah said ah’d like to do a little bit of treasure hunting and grandpaw said he had one of those danged dee-tek-tor thingamy jigs in his trailer.
So we plum went and dug it out. It looked ta be a fine peece of macheenery so we tried it out some.
We soon found some treasure. We found us a few nickles, lotsa beercans and we found three sets of grandmaws old teeth that she lorst yeahs ago. She was overjoyed, gave em a quick spit n polish and tried em out. They fitted jes great still. She was so grateful that she even gave Barack a set of em.
Don’t he look jest dandy.
Don’t he jest look so purdy.
But ah digress some. We carried on dee-tetoring with grandpaws macheen an all of sudden that dang thing starts a squeekin’ an a squawkin like that danged duck of grandpaws did jes last month when his dawg Bo tried ta hump it.
Bo duck luvvin’
Anyways we got our grandpaws backhoe and dug that dang thing up.
Grandpaws backhoe. Sturdy.
It turns out that it was a lovely long piece of alu- min-na-mumumum pipe and ah thought “Dang that’d sure make a mean peece a tubing for ma vape pipe an if nobody else needs it ah’ll halp maself.”
And ah did. But …
Turns out that danged pipe belonged to the Town of Nohope, Kentuckys’ water department. It was one of thar danged sewer pipes.
Oops. I’ll be danged.
Well ah didn’t know that and boy o boy did tha shit hit the fan (well actually it hit me n grandpaw). We got in trouble with grandmaw coz we smelt so danged bad, well ah did, not grandpaw as grandmaw said he actually smelt better than he did before. And we got in trouble with the sherriff. He sed ah could keep tha pipe but ah’d have ta leave town and that’s why ah’m now living down in Hellhole. Mississippipipipi with ma kinfolk.
Heres a few pics of em’ they sure is a great family.
Ma Mississippipipipi Kin folk.
An’ this here is cousin Billy Bob. He wuz trrying ta use one of my vapo-rizer do dabs but he couldn’t quite git tha hang of it.
Cousin Billy Bob Vaping as only he can.
Uncle Billy Bob said ma cousin wuz a bit slow as he got dropped on his head by the nurse when he was born due to her hi intake of Uncle Billy Bob’s moonshine as a pre-natal tipple. But dang he still enjoys himself bothering Auntie Mary Sue’s sheep.
Anyways me and ma family have settled in well. Me Mary Sue and lil Billy Bob even have our own annex by their trailer and it is pretty dang fine as soon as we finally git all tha chickens out of it. The eggs will come in danged handy tho.
Our new place. Sure is cozy.
Anyways. Finally. We had a visit from a couple of ma other cousins the other day. They sure are fine lookin’ boys. Ah’ll have ta watch em with Mary Sue as she thinks they is danged sexy.
Billy Bob and Billy Bob. Ma Mississippipipipipipi kin folk. Danged handsom boys.
We had a great time on the lake barbi-cuing possum.
Mmmmm. Barbie cued Possum. Dang that was sweet.
Then we went back to their place. They are doing purdy danged well for themselves. Hell those boys even enjoy multi-level living. Ain’t that jest doggone amazing.
Fancy Penthouse Living.
And they even have one helluva sporty set a wheels. Billy Bob even fitted it with a sports spoiler all by himself.
Ain’t she sporty. Hooowey. Ah want one.
But anyways ma cousins suggested we try that thar ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Now we dunno a lot about Al or his challenge but it sure was a hot dang day and the idea sounded purdy danged good. We looked about for a bucket but danged if we could find one. Great uncle Billy Bob was using the nearest thing we could find to a bucket for his yearly bath so that was no dang good.
Takin’ a bath.
So anyways we im-pro-vised with a fire hydrant and a stick of Billy Bob’s best gelignite. Ah think personally it went danged well although I believe the sherriff is talking bout gittin me and ma cousins ex-co-moon-icated or sumpin up to Ohio.
Cooled me n the boys off nicely for our ice bucket challenge thingy. Still dunno who Al is tho.
Catch you all soon folks.
© 2014 Stan M Rogers (Billy Bob). All rights reserved.