Just a short story I wrote a few years ago. Enjoy.
In 2008 I wrote this piece. It was all about meeting the one. The one that would rescue me from mundanity. It is living poetry and has been updated quite a few times over the intervening years. You can even see some of the influences I have found along the way, Jack Kerouac being the most obvious one near the beginning of this piece. And so? Living verse … enjoy. Lots of others have.
Rescue me from mundanity my lover
You have always been on my mind, since I first never knew you
A hot Arizona night, walking an endless black top desert road looking at the stars above us
Each one a soft salty kiss on your dry warm lips.
The desert moon so full like a cold dead face hanging oppressively above our small lives, our blessed intense love.
Jumping a flatbed to Denver or Austin,
And us, sharing a pint of rot gut to keep the cold desert night from our hearts and welcoming Jack into our souls…
Wish Sal was here … Sharing the scent of our travel sweat. Dean too.
And through Missouri…Wish I had a crystal ball …
I could see your face so much better through the fog …
The clarity of knowing your troubled thoughts.
Travelling together …Carolina odyssey …White beaches, blue sea.
Reading my own lovelorn, lonely poetry to you under the shade tree …
In a town square, full of civil war memories…Oppression. Domination. Slavery
But we laugh it off…Both of us, we are no Martin Luther King’s to exorcise injustice.
Only mine. My own sad injustice. My own truth.
Lover … Meet me soon … You are too often in my crazy dreams. Never in my love enveloping arms.
Your face is always behind a veil of not knowingness
And I plead … Rescue me from mundanity my lover.
A cold clear Scandinavian night … Jagged shimmering lights in a northern sky …
And you are with me … As always. Only a heartbeat away but so so far.
Holding my small careworn fingers in your own. I feel you now. I can imagine your warmth.
Tracing ‘Jeg elsker dig’ on the back of my hand with a slender loving fingertip.
Riding the train … A city … Somewhere … Entering a city … A no hope city … No trees, no green gardens.
Watching the evening lit windows from the train … Life going on out there in those small windows
In those rushing past snapshots … Secrets. Lust. Hate. Mundanity … Because it’s always there. Perhaps in me too although with you ….
I banish it … And, and, and yes, I am waiting for you…Please come to me soon my unknown lover.
Riding the bus in England’s sad heart.
Second city blues … Am I in my own lost England? Is this really my home?
Minarets fill the vista of a crumbling slowly disintegrating society … Full of dark faces. Foreign speech and unfamiliar ways.
I love them you say. They bring us our own destruction. New Anglo-Saxons… New invaders. You smile.
Slowly taking over … And you smile again and tell me a story about your younger years.
Lover I know you so well …We talk most nights … You hold me close …so close I can feel your heart, so close I can hardly breathe.
I can feel your sweet breath on my cheek as you whisper to me in my loneliness.
Is this to be my penance for not meeting you yet. My pain for this being away from you.
I can’t even imagine your name. I do try but it is always a quiet whisper away from me.
But I hear your voice and like everything in my life …
Are you too late. Will we ever meet or will we just pass each other by?
Will you leave me again?
Lover please … Save me from mundanity. And I will rescue you from a life of not having my kisses.
Not having my love, not feeling my heart beat beside yours.
Can you see me now? Can you feel me? Do you dream of me on your lonely nights?
Or do my words echo in meaningless voids?
Crying out but never ever answered?
I am writing this for you now. I compose this for you.
Do you know me? … and still I look for you.
A red grape … A crushed Tuscan dream. A red stain on you ruffled white blouse.
One button too many undone. Temptation?
Blood of your heart or spilled wine?
But a smile that says I don’t care. I will never care when I am with you.
Wherever we are. Whoever we are… whatever we are.
Yes. Oh Yes, our morning … Driving to some dead-end job.
I left you this morning … Skinny legs sticking out from under the duvet. Hair in your face.
A mess…But my mess. Love tossed bed … Chipped cup of coffee left.
And save me from mundanity. Lover Please save me now.
I can barely exist with this pain,
And moving on.
Are you with me lover? Not yet?
Are you the same as me? Seeing sense in darkness. Love in a gesture.
Are you thinking of me now?
Are you missing me … still unmet?
Do you yearn for your unknown lover as I do?
And we travel and love.
A small island off the African coast. And different stars above.
And always we said. Where we are means nothing.
A snowflake on a spring morning
Yesterday’s newspaper, last year’s worries
But we will have each other. No matter where we are. No matter the things we do.
And save me from mundanity my lover.
But my lover I fret. Words taken wrongly on a drunken night.
Misunderstanding. Fear of our own feelings
Fear for our lives. And still I wait for you my lover.
And still I search and I knew I had found you. Did I?
A city of holy spires and river walks.
Of hope and love.
Of dreams and talks, but you fell.
You lied and misled for no other reason than hurt
And I lost you on a crisis ridden night
Your dreams weren’t mine
Your needs not as sublime
Mundanity went on, you weren’t the one.
But maybe the time was wrong, maybe we will meet again…
And still on this cold English day
Save me from myself, and Mundanity lover.
Love is not dying away. Love is eternal.
Not fading or giving in
And I won’t lover. How could I give up hope so I seek you still?
And so now I move on … in your heart and your arms
In your love and your kindness
Did mundanity go with Mid-Western dreams?
In middle America. Did my dream lie there?
No. It died there. Slowly it was strangled…
My dream died my lover.
But love warm sheets never warm again.
As warm as your ice cold lies
Latte frosted lips will kiss never again
My heart broke asunder one more time.
But you weren’t the one
And you lost me. You lost love
And I lost mundanity again at last.
Oh, my lover. You tease me so.
You hide in my dreams, although you walk in my heart.
And I go on. Yearning for you lover.
And maybe destiny will still bring us together
Maybe it has already
Or maybe cruel fate will forever keep us apart.
© 2018 Stan M Rogers. All rights reserved.
I wrote this one evening last week at a bar in Cyprus while watching a Neil Diamond tribute singer. It was a great night but the need to put this down just came out of the blue and this is probably the first piece I have even written on my Razer Smartphone. It could probably do with some editing but it’s just about seeing a face on the street that you’d like to know, fell in love with for a fleeting second before they are gone.
We walked opposite sides
Just looking ahead
Our faces never met
Our hearts only bled.
And what a life we could…
… Have led.
But know. We never met
In the middle of the road
And now … unshed tears
… At what could have been
If we’d ever met,
But we walked different sides
We found our love elsewhere
We never knew our own.
… The one we never knew
… never discovered,
… Never knew
Never imagining we could have been
We said goodbye
Before we even said hello.
… To all we never had
And just the wrong turn of a card
Dice that landed a different way
And we walked on by.
Copyright Stan M Rogers 2018
I remember those days fondly
… when giants ruled the world
Before small men imagined greatness
In their paltry small selves
Now lies become rules
Words become laws … unwritten or not
Sagas become mere tales
No deeds, no poetry, no soul and what is the cost?
We gave up our dreams
… all is now lost
Now men rule the world
Tears well up as I remember
… when giants ruled the world
When anything was possible
Giants made it so
They slew dragons, drank flagons, battled the foe
Laws were made to be broken in jest
Rules could be changed
To whatever was best
But this world has lost magic
… since giants left the world
No more stories
… no beauty in words
Men have become as beasts
Lost in great herds
Oh gods forgive us for what we have done
For losing those giants, for dimming the sun
They have long left this world, and sadder it is
The page, unwritten sits before me still
Just one sentence, one word
One letter, one thought
Released like a bird
But none come. None inspired
I’m just tired
I’ll pull down those castles with banners unfurled
I’ll cry to empty heavens
… why did giants leave the world?
© 2014 Stan M Rogers. All rights reserved.
Well I am finally on the way to Northern Cyprus, which is the Turkish part. I know very little about Cyprus so it really will be an adventure for me. It will also be interesting to see if any of my writing/poetry can make the transition to becoming lyrics and be put to music. I do hope so and the next week or so here will tell.
But today has been quite a pain in the ass for me. I woke at 4am which isn’t that unusual but couldn’t get back to sleep and so up I got.i was showered, packed and ready to go three hours before my taxi turned up and time passed very slowly until my friend Lawrie arrived. He is my usual airport driver and was surprised that I was going to Stansted rather than my usual Heathrow.
But eventually I was on my way and I arrived safely and way too early.And so it began. I went to check in after an hour of hanging about. A huge queue welcomed me at the check in desk, I groaned inwardly especially when they started playing musical chairs with the desks. One minute I was queued at the Cobalt airlines desk until all of a sudden it became the Air Moldova desk. Wonderful how they do that.
Now for years I have been going to the USA and even the Seychelles by scheduled carriers all inclusive and my first surprise when I finally got to the front of the queue was that I had to pay extra for my suitcase… bloody 40 quid too, and I could not even pay for it there. I had to wander around like a lost lamb until I found the place where I could pay the extra. Then back to the queue…arghhhh!
Next was the security check and boy did I need a beer by now. More huge queues and by the time I got through problem free luckily, time was just starting to get a bit tight. Stansted has a surprisingly big shopping mall and it snakes on and on and on until you find a watering hole. As usual there was a queue. And the WiFi didn’t work… and I could barely get a signal on my phone which was proving problematic for talking to my lovely friend. Double arghhhh!
My lovely friend by the way is a lady I have met up with three times now and we seem to go from strength to strength every time. I do like her so very much and in fact I feel quite sad that I am leaving her for a couple of weeks to be here. I so wish she could have come with me, but hey ho. We have other wonderful things planned in the near future. I look forward to them but anyway, due to Stansted’s abysmal communications I found it difficult to even send WhatsApp messages. As I said. Double arghhhh!
And so with time starting to get tight I swallow a quick G&T and head off to my gate which turns out to be about 90 miles away entailing a train journey. Man I just manage to squeeze, sardine like into the small coffin like compartment when a message comes over that the bloody thing has broken down. And people continue to pile in. I can hardly breathe. I can’t even turn round and I swear someone is squeezing my bum.Triple arghhhhhhh!.
But after about ten minutes the problem gets sorted and we are off. I get dropped off at my stop and make my way to my gate… brilliant. Fifteen minutes to spare. And bugger it, I watch disconsolately as I see my plane only just arriving. I find out it will be about an hour late leaving. I feel like committing Hari Kiri by now but I try hard and put on my patient face and eventually I am on my way.
And that is how you find me as I write this. Somewhere over Eastern Europe having just entered some damned turbulence. Hopefully we are only about an hour out now. Time to buckle up and knock back my wine as I ride the bucking bronco.
Stan M Rogers
And now for something new. Written just a few minutes ago. Probably editable later. Enjoy.
In this fading of the light
The autumn of my life
I do remember
The joys of youth
The wonders of new loves
Of children born.
And in my grey years
These latter days
I do remember
The sadness of loss
Of friends I will see no more
Loves dying embers.
But in these days
I have discovered myself
I have grown through pain
Like flowers after rain
I am renewed
Age matters no more.
For in every fall
I have returned anew
I have learned and come back
Stronger, surer, my head held high
For I am a good man
I am a gentle man, but a strong man.
And although I have found
That no happiness is complete
… without a little sadness
I have found also joy never changes
It can be as fresh as it always was
… it tastes just as sweet.
Copyright Stan M Rogers 2018
Another oldie tonight from August 2009.
Dark as usual. I am a happy soul really but I just love to examine the darker side of my feelings and how can we feel true happiness if we have never experienced feelings such as the ones I write about here.
How far down can I go he thought?
He watched his face in the broken crazed mirror
Smiling back with tears in sad eyes
I am in pain. His smile said that
Written deep in a memory
Graven deep in lines of age
And with every action he took
Every emotion he showed
Pain was the least
Pain is easy, he knew it well
Anguish ain’t too bad either
He wore it as his shroud
Loss becomes easier with time
It becomes his dark companion
Walking beside him in step
Loss as friendship
Yeah he thought
And he looked at the clouded sky
As grey as burnished steel
As meaningless as forgotten friendship
As cold as ice
And yeah. He takes it and stands up
He cries … he hides it as always
Puts a smile on his face
False as always but no one sees him cry
No one sees him cry, no one hears him.
So how far down can he go?
How deep is despair?
Is it when numbness replaces pain?
When even death opens welcoming arms
The coldness of hell beckons him
Welcomes him even.
But that isn’t him
As he walks streets alone
He doesnt give in
Copyright Stan M Rogers 2009