In Town Today.

Well today has been a strange one. There hasn’t been much happening on the property sale. I’m waiting for the contract basically then all should move quickly.

Soooo…. I decided to pop into town, maybe pick up some hand sanitiser. Have a coffee. I daren’t buy much else as I will just have to pack it for the new place.  So I start with the search for hand sanitiser… Sainsbury’s, Tesco’s, Savers, Poundland, Boots et al. Nothing, nada, bugger all but empty shelves so in the true British spirit I’ve improvised. Bought a spray bottle and some vodka. I’m going to mix 8 parts water, 1 part vodka and 1 part TCP disinfectant. That should do the trick. If it doesn’t I can always drink the vodka…lol.

There was, I noticed, also a kind of Blitz spirit around the stores. Herds of plucky British souls wandering round and gazing at the empty gaps on the shelves where the sanitiser should have been longingly. I had a couple of good conversations with some of them and shared my homemade recipe with them.

Anyway, sanitiserless, I decided to retire to my local Costa’s for a double shot latte and a slice of walnut and carrot cake. Luvverly.

It was kind of nice to hear the strains of ‘Happy Birthday’ coming from Costa’s toilets. Filled me with a warm glow that so many people were sharing their birthdays today.

I did visit myself and lo and behold, a large bottle of hand sanitiser. Should I nick it? I was tempted but no I didn’t. I am actually surprised it was still there.

And so, stuffed with cake and fully caffeinated I headed for home. And joy. My contract has been delivered. I have to fill in a few questions about the conservatory and then send it back. I will drop it in later. Yayyyyyy. Toodle pip.

Lights Go Out.

One by solitary one
Lights go out.
Flames so full of vitality.
So many becoming so few.
The corner stones of my life. Spluttering to obscure darkness
And I know that to that darkness. I will someday go.
Sometimes I see the shadows gathering
Even in my life. Even on a sun filled day.
And I feel scrabbling fingers in my dreams
Always reaching out … feeling for my soul
To snuff out memories and love.
Will I still be loved?
Will my glowing life be known By those that follow?
Or will my darkness be complete.
The black hand of forgetfulness Please give me time.
Some final warmth from that now feeble sun. Please give me hope
Before the lights go out.
And darkness walks in.

Matt Rogers. © 2020

Dreams to Share.

I have such wonderful dreams

Such a life I want to live

I dream of country roads, long and winding…

Within pine scented woods, walking

I dream of …

… beaches lovingly kissed by gentle waves

Seabirds screeching overhead.

I dream of peace and of hands held …

… slow lingering kisses exchanged.

The soft touch of your lips on my fingers

Walking, talking, laughing, secret smiles

A coffee shared in a small café…

Maybe a pastry and flakes sticking to our lips

… in a shady side street where …

…every cobblestone tells a story

Swallows calling in warm evening sunshine

Shadows on wisteria clad stone walls.

I dream of an us … not a me

I dream not of them but just we

And always …

My dreams are made for sharing.

Stan M Rogers © 2019

A MAGICAL TIME OF DAY.

Walking the flood park at twilight this evening. Such a magical time of day.

Sun setting on loves sad requiem.

Darkness falls, bitter chocolate sweet.

The moon welcomes me

With sweet symphony

Life again. Gentle life’s sweet song.

Stan M Rogers copyright © 2019

Matt Spears.

There is so much going on in my life right now. Mostly good but none that I can talk of on here, and sometimes I feel overwhelmed. Totally. But I am reading the first novel I wrote back in 2007. Love Sex and Time Travel. I am finding within its pages comfort and believe it or not guidance. The part I am reading now has inspired me. Matt Spears is searching his own soul in the book, much as I am now and comes to realise that his only way to peace and resolution is to chose detachment. Wise words from my 2007 doppelgänger to my 2019 self. I shall take his advice. I chose detachment.👍😀☺️

The Light.

This light within me will never go out

These dreams within me, these hopes

… are eternal

For I have been there. Been in the the place that dreams die.

… where hopes fade, where lights go out

And I faced darkness alone but fought … and won

For in me? Always. The light of a sun.

Constancy and belief are within me, faith too.

In me is life.

Stan M Rogers © 2019

Darkness of a summer’s warm night, but, Stars so bright, so clear, Looking up for the moon and no it isn’t there. Not till later, not till I want it to be I think And I look back … in anger no. Anger is not in this vocabulary. Fear and loss yes in my own lexicon, emptiness even. Yeah … you know the feeling. We have been there before. You know. Between loss and sorrow? That old one way street. One track mind, as usual, as bloody usual. Yea always. Visiting lovers graves, long gone … Oh yes long gone. Disappeared long ago into an ever more black and white past And yet Still I want my moon to rise And always it does To let me grasp it in my hands, and such hands? Anonymous unfeeling hands of gold? No. And God? No gods. Naa… no one up there on the millionth floor loves me. Cos I never woke up and smelt bloody coffee, not once. Don’t need caffeine to torture my mind further. Never have Does it on its sweet lonesome. Pain without stimulus. Stimulus without pain? Yea I can live with that. Not easily. Not simply…. But alone.Sometimes.

Monstrous Dreams.

 

Broken dreams litter my lonely nights.

Monstrous shadows haunt me

Breaking me, softly but surely as I try to sleep

A ghostly happiness wanders, remembered from a recent past, forever lost.

And as wakefulness invades the small hours … I weep.

– ————

My head warned my heart of certain pain

My heart ignored it, as always … my heart is my bane

It causes such sweet pain as I wander alone

Feelings lost… or stripped to bare white bone.

My tears are as nothing in this solitary world.

————

Dark tracks ahead, shrouded by tendrils of ghostly mist

No clues are given, no words of encouragement uttered

I wander aimlessly … I face this alone. Unknowing.

… and my head drops. I care for little right now

I return to my nightmares.

———

© Stan M Rogers 2018

 

The Wind Beneath My Wings.

You are the wind beneath my wings.

The reason I soar so high

Into an azure sky

….

You are the beat of my heart

The blood through my veins

The freshness of April rains

…..

You are the smile on my face

The laughter I share

My soul laid bare, my reason to care.

….

You are the song that goes on.

Never wanting the final note

Never giving up hope.

….

Stan M Rogers 2019.

Moonbeams

That cold full moon watches me.


As I sit outside on the cold step. 


Smoking a cigarette


Tip aglow in the silver moonlight


So many regrets, so much pain


At so many lost dreams 


Shared with moonbeams





But I am alone as always


Fighting life, an army of one.


Solitary. Such a bitter word to me


A word so painful that I can't utter it now


Under Cybele's baleful glare


Cigarette smoke rises in curling streams


Reaching up to sway, to dance in moonbeams





October now and the nights get cold


As cold as my heart it seems lately


And soon this step I sit on will be mantled with frost


Will I still be here? I ask myself


Or maybe elsewhere


But who knows? Not I so it seems


Under cold moonbeams.




Stan M Rogers copyright 2009