I am currently honing my latest project with a view to patenting it. I have been working very hard on it but I must admit it hasn’t been that easy.
Let me start at the beginning. Me and my Raven were eating out the other day. I can’t remember where it was now but you must know the feeling. You are enjoying a nice bit of foodage when it starts…….
WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Kids bawling!
Don’t you hate it? Can’t parents control the little bast.. sorry I mean little dears. Aren’t you sick of some wee apple of mommy’s eye going into full nuclear meltdown because he can’t get a cookie with din-dins? And so as usual my brain slipped into ‘what if?’ mode.
How can we control these miniature banshees from disturbing us while enjoying luncheon? Is it possible?
Well yes I believe it is. Obviously we need something to control the little blighters and if the parents are seemingly unable or unwilling to control them then it is up to us my friend. Yes it is in the hands of us poor souls to tame the little thugs.
LADY! QUIETEN THAT CHILD.
We need some kind of remote tamer and so I went down to the laboratory and dug out my Bumper Boys Electronics and Exploding Devices set. It’s been a while so I re-acquainted myself with the bits and bobs and got to work.
Thingummybobs.
My first idea was an exploding Teddy Bear that auto-detonated when a certain decibel level was reached. This could be handed to children as they enter the restaurant. Refusal is not an option. Take the Teddy or eat elsewhere. Imagine the pleasure of seeing the explosion when the little dears go into manic mode. But no I decided this may be counter-productive to enjoying a peaceful dinner. The prototype turned out to be a little unpredictable too.
And so onto the money-maker which I am hoping to patent. It is the Bacon-Butty Mk 1 Brat Pacifier®.
It is fully programmable and basically it is a bracelet that is issued to each kid as they enter the restaurant or maybe even a store. Again refusal is not an option.
It can be programmed thus.
1) By sound level in a similar way to the exploding Teddy Bear. The brat gets beyond a certain level of annoyingness and the bracelet sends a non-lethal pulse of electricity through the kid. The bracelet can be worn on the wrist, ankle or my personal favorite around the head.
2) It can be set off by diners in the restaurant where special buttons will be set into each table. Rather than an embarrassing set-to with the little sh*t’s parents, diners could anonymously send a wee shock to an overly loud junior. This could also be done for personal pleasure even if the kid is being quiet but you just don’t like the look of it.
3) The administering of the electric shock could be left to the restaurant management to oversee.
So anyway there it is and I hope you like the idea. Let me know what you think after I return from the patents office.
Toodle-Pip.
© 2014 Stan M Rogers. All rights reserved.
