Tomorrow the Sun.

Tomorrow. I will wake early.

Tomorrow a dark cold morning.

Midwinter gloomy, rain on my window.

As bleak as only December can be.

Before the dawn.

…..

But I will waken with joy in my heart

A smile will suffuse my face as I start my day

A joyful day … a happy day

… for tomorrow I travel. I escape.

Sweet freedom. A brief parole.

…..

Tomorrow. I will create my own sunshine.

For a day I will cease being chameleon.

I will be me. The true me I remember.

The me I don’t fear. For fear has no place.

Tomorrow. I won’t be alone.

…

Stan M Rogers Copyright 2018

Weep.

Just laying here, sipping whiskey,

Feeling down, not showing it

Certainly not showing it

A smile on my lips, a tear in my heart

But a smile on my face

Rigid and set there in stone

Yeah it fools everyone

——

And I look back. I try to forget

But the scars are etched deep

Burned into my very soul

A very black hole.Years deep…

…. And I weep.

Think when you vote.

35000 feet up in a plane. Most of us have done it. Quite frequently in my case, but have you noticed what a fantastic sense of isolation the situation gives you?

Yes I know you are shoehorned into a metal coffin with like 200 other peeps but I mean isolation from the world.

No Facebook, no email, no messenger. I know this is starting to change now on some airlines with the arrival of inflite WiFi but for now, well what supreme peace. What a wonderful time to think. What freedom to Let your mind roam.

And so here I am today. The aforesaid 35k feet somewhere above Central Europe about halfway between Cyprus and the U.K. Yes my mind is free although it is certainly helped by a few wines….so far and what is my free mind contemplating?

To be honest many things but my mind keeps returning to America and the road it is descending. I have visited this topic before but as my gagging order (haha)is no longer in force, I thought I’d revisit it.

Before I start my rant, please bear in mind my leanings. I am proud to be an atheist, I am proud to be an anarchist, I am proud to be a free thinker.

All of the above see their antithesis in the current downfall of American society and its apparent non knowledge of its dumbing down.

I see the descendants of proud pioneers now bending a knee to the very kind of tyrants they boast of escaping Europe from. I see ignorant people decrying race and liberal views ( and by the way I am most certainly not a ‘political’ liberal.)

I see the sons and daughters of the revolution bowing to people like Trump and his ilk. Do they not remember their past? Do they not remember their history? Do they not realise how horrified their forefathers would be?

Yes I can understand ignorant people falling for the lies, that’s how all tyrannies come to power, but I also see the not so ignorant falling for this too, although I suppose in Europe’s case even Hitler and Stalin started with the support of the intelligencia, the bourgeoisie even although they did learn their errors pretty quickly when they became fairly high up on the lists for the gas chambers and the bullet in the back of the skull. Of course they did. They learned the truth and Trump’s kind never like people learning the truth and ermmm broadcasting it? Even less.

I was in the USA for the 2016 election and saw the train wreck it became. The paucity of talent among the contenders was appalling. Yes I do believe Clinton was almost as bad as Trump. I would not of voted for her either. I would not vote anyway. Against my principles most of the time. I watched as the only hope I believed for America in Bernie Sanders almost came close to securing nomination. Despite all the propaganda from the Fascist Trump and Clinton camps ( yes they both are) he almost did it. Maybe true free Americans actually saw hope in that man. But the usual reactionary scare stories sunk him I’m afraid.

Yes. Bernie’s giving away free stuff? Go out and earn it America? For fucks sake people how stupid are you? Your families have paid taxes into America.com for years and you really don’t know where it goes? Are people that simple? Yes I know that is a rhetorical question as huge swathes of the American population do appear to be.

Very little of these trillions goes into supporting people like you and me and your families. It goes into funding the rich. It goes into expanding the billionaires aspirations of even greater wealth and if that involves war then so be it.

So tomorrow please wise up people. Are you going to vote for your own tyranny or are you going to start unshackling yourself?

Sadness Hits.

And then, right then in that cold bright moment

The sadness hits.

Spirits drop, tears well up, I choke them back

I choke them back. My world turns black.

Colours fade to grey

All happiness blows away

Oh cold bitter wind.

Don’t blow it away

Let my happiness stay.

………

But I can’t win.

Stealthily my smile disappears

Yet again. Remorseless. Bitter tears.

All gone now. I’m empty

My heart beats fast like a demented drum

Oh that empty vessel that is my heart.

That loathsome brain,

Just full of my self created pain.

Go away … go away. Leave. Go away.

………….

Copyright Stan M Rogers 2018

The Death of Fools.

And the fools line up

In the death of reason, for every season

I despair at their laughter

Their happy ever after.

….

And as they whoop, jump through the hoop

Scream their chants, massacre the dance

Yes yes, I shake my head in frustration

As they hasten their own damnation.

…

And tears run down my bitter cheeks

As silence in my life will reign. Bringing pain

I examine my tawdry self, that singular self

And am I destined to join the fools on their shelf?

…

Stan M Rogers 2018

My Heart Skips a Beat. 2009.

Every time I see you

My heart skips a beat

Trees could fall

Buildings could move

And I would see nothing before me. But you.

 

When your hand holds mine

Breath stills in me. And halts time

And such feelings well up from my heart

So much more

Than any I have ever felt before.

 

And as I watch, you smile, and I melt.

And my heart skips two beats

Just a walk with you on a sunny cold day

Takes my breath away.

 

You give me so much pleasure

So much joy. Such feelings of pride.

That you walk by my side

But then comes the pain.

Even before leaving I want to see you again

 

Such sadness through such happiness

I find it so hard to leave you

But. Thinking of my time with you

Makes my heart skip a beat.

 

And each day away from you

Becomes one closer

To pleasure and pain

And time to feel my heart

Skip a beat again.

Copyright Stan M Rogers 2009

Poisoned Chalice.

A poisoned chalice,

Just two bitter sips

Taste the malice

Savour it, lick your lips.

….

Swill it and swallow

Yes … now it’s gone

It may just kill you

But life still goes on.

….

Copyright Stan M Rogers 2018

Midnight Fear.

Yes. Midnight is my worst time.

All of my worries. All of my past fears

A bleak future. An even bleaker past.

Everything comes like thin tendrils of cold icy mist

… creeping under my bedroom door

As I lay in darkness. In solitude. Ok. I’m alone.

And that darkness is so thick, like tar

It crawls over me. I feel it. Black. Clammy.

… it chills my bones. It sucks at my soul.

And worries, unspoken, barely acknowledged

Become real. Gain teeth and claws.

I want to scream. But I can’t

And yeah I am weak, I want to cry but I daren’t.

For I cannot show my melting inner weakness

I never will.

Moi? Not me. I’m fine,

This smile is real, isn’t it?

It’s special.

It’s just for you.

Copyright Stan M Rogers. 2018.

Imperfect.

Yes. I am the imperfect man.

But show me perfection. Show me perfect.

And I’ll show you utopian dreams.

I love imperfectly, but I hate not at all

I make mistakes, I say the wrong things

… at the wrong times.

But I hurt imperfectly as I don’t hurt at all.

… and am I imperfect because I don’t hurt you?

… because I don’t cheat or lie?

Then I am proud to be that way. Imperfect.

So just show me your perfection girl

… and I will show you the times you have been hurt

I will count off the times you have been used and abused.

I will forgive you your ways and hold you in these imperfect arms.

And yes… my imperfect lips will gently kiss yours

My imperfect hands will always be there to hold yours.

My shoulder will be there for your imperfect tears.

For imperfection is me. I am that.

I am flawed. I am jaded. I have been hurt too

I have cried, been weak, withdrawn, used and abused

… just like you.

I am imperfect.

Copyright Stan M Rogers 2018.

Escape.

A last uneasy kiss.

A meaningless goodbye

I had grown wings

Escaped to the sky.