That cold full moon watches me.
As I sit outside on the cold step.
Smoking a cigarette
Tip aglow in the silver moonlight
So many regrets, so much pain
At so many lost dreams
Shared with moonbeams
But I am alone as always
Fighting life, an army of one.
Solitary. Such a bitter word to me
A word so painful that I can't utter it now
Under Cybele's baleful glare
Cigarette smoke rises in curling streams
Reaching up to sway, to dance in moonbeams
October now and the nights get cold
As cold as my heart it seems lately
And soon this step I sit on will be mantled with frost
Will I still be here? I ask myself
Or maybe elsewhere
But who knows? Not I so it seems
Under cold moonbeams.
Stan M Rogers copyright 2009
Tomorrow. I will wake early.
Tomorrow a dark cold morning.
Midwinter gloomy, rain on my window.
As bleak as only December can be.
Before the dawn.
…..
But I will waken with joy in my heart
A smile will suffuse my face as I start my day
A joyful day … a happy day
… for tomorrow I travel. I escape.
Sweet freedom. A brief parole.
…..
Tomorrow. I will create my own sunshine.
For a day I will cease being chameleon.
I will be me. The true me I remember.
The me I don’t fear. For fear has no place.
Tomorrow. I won’t be alone.
…
Stan M Rogers Copyright 2018
Just laying here, sipping whiskey,
Feeling down, not showing it
Certainly not showing it
A smile on my lips, a tear in my heart
But a smile on my face
Rigid and set there in stone
Yeah it fools everyone
——
And I look back. I try to forget
But the scars are etched deep
Burned into my very soul
A very black hole.Years deep…
…. And I weep.
35000 feet up in a plane. Most of us have done it. Quite frequently in my case, but have you noticed what a fantastic sense of isolation the situation gives you?
Yes I know you are shoehorned into a metal coffin with like 200 other peeps but I mean isolation from the world.
No Facebook, no email, no messenger. I know this is starting to change now on some airlines with the arrival of inflite WiFi but for now, well what supreme peace. What a wonderful time to think. What freedom to Let your mind roam.
And so here I am today. The aforesaid 35k feet somewhere above Central Europe about halfway between Cyprus and the U.K. Yes my mind is free although it is certainly helped by a few wines….so far and what is my free mind contemplating?
To be honest many things but my mind keeps returning to America and the road it is descending. I have visited this topic before but as my gagging order (haha)is no longer in force, I thought I’d revisit it.
Before I start my rant, please bear in mind my leanings. I am proud to be an atheist, I am proud to be an anarchist, I am proud to be a free thinker.
All of the above see their antithesis in the current downfall of American society and its apparent non knowledge of its dumbing down.
I see the descendants of proud pioneers now bending a knee to the very kind of tyrants they boast of escaping Europe from. I see ignorant people decrying race and liberal views ( and by the way I am most certainly not a ‘political’ liberal.)
I see the sons and daughters of the revolution bowing to people like Trump and his ilk. Do they not remember their past? Do they not remember their history? Do they not realise how horrified their forefathers would be?
Yes I can understand ignorant people falling for the lies, that’s how all tyrannies come to power, but I also see the not so ignorant falling for this too, although I suppose in Europe’s case even Hitler and Stalin started with the support of the intelligencia, the bourgeoisie even although they did learn their errors pretty quickly when they became fairly high up on the lists for the gas chambers and the bullet in the back of the skull. Of course they did. They learned the truth and Trump’s kind never like people learning the truth and ermmm broadcasting it? Even less.
I was in the USA for the 2016 election and saw the train wreck it became. The paucity of talent among the contenders was appalling. Yes I do believe Clinton was almost as bad as Trump. I would not of voted for her either. I would not vote anyway. Against my principles most of the time. I watched as the only hope I believed for America in Bernie Sanders almost came close to securing nomination. Despite all the propaganda from the Fascist Trump and Clinton camps ( yes they both are) he almost did it. Maybe true free Americans actually saw hope in that man. But the usual reactionary scare stories sunk him I’m afraid.
Yes. Bernie’s giving away free stuff? Go out and earn it America? For fucks sake people how stupid are you? Your families have paid taxes into America.com for years and you really don’t know where it goes? Are people that simple? Yes I know that is a rhetorical question as huge swathes of the American population do appear to be.
Very little of these trillions goes into supporting people like you and me and your families. It goes into funding the rich. It goes into expanding the billionaires aspirations of even greater wealth and if that involves war then so be it.
So tomorrow please wise up people. Are you going to vote for your own tyranny or are you going to start unshackling yourself?
And then, right then in that cold bright moment
The sadness hits.
Spirits drop, tears well up, I choke them back
I choke them back. My world turns black.
Colours fade to grey
All happiness blows away
Oh cold bitter wind.
Don’t blow it away
Let my happiness stay.
………
But I can’t win.
Stealthily my smile disappears
Yet again. Remorseless. Bitter tears.
All gone now. I’m empty
My heart beats fast like a demented drum
Oh that empty vessel that is my heart.
That loathsome brain,
Just full of my self created pain.
Go away … go away. Leave. Go away.
………….
Copyright Stan M Rogers 2018
And the fools line up
In the death of reason, for every season
I despair at their laughter
Their happy ever after.
….
And as they whoop, jump through the hoop
Scream their chants, massacre the dance
Yes yes, I shake my head in frustration
As they hasten their own damnation.
…
And tears run down my bitter cheeks
As silence in my life will reign. Bringing pain
I examine my tawdry self, that singular self
And am I destined to join the fools on their shelf?
…
Stan M Rogers 2018
Every time I see you
My heart skips a beat
Trees could fall
Buildings could move
And I would see nothing before me. But you.
When your hand holds mine
Breath stills in me. And halts time
And such feelings well up from my heart
So much more
Than any I have ever felt before.
And as I watch, you smile, and I melt.
And my heart skips two beats
Just a walk with you on a sunny cold day
Takes my breath away.
You give me so much pleasure
So much joy. Such feelings of pride.
That you walk by my side
But then comes the pain.
Even before leaving I want to see you again
Such sadness through such happiness
I find it so hard to leave you
But. Thinking of my time with you
Makes my heart skip a beat.
And each day away from you
Becomes one closer
To pleasure and pain
And time to feel my heart
Skip a beat again.
Copyright Stan M Rogers 2009
