Monstrous Dreams.

 

Broken dreams litter my lonely nights.

Monstrous shadows haunt me

Breaking me, softly but surely as I try to sleep

A ghostly happiness wanders, remembered from a recent past, forever lost.

And as wakefulness invades the small hours … I weep.

– ————

My head warned my heart of certain pain

My heart ignored it, as always … my heart is my bane

It causes such sweet pain as I wander alone

Feelings lost… or stripped to bare white bone.

My tears are as nothing in this solitary world.

————

Dark tracks ahead, shrouded by tendrils of ghostly mist

No clues are given, no words of encouragement uttered

I wander aimlessly … I face this alone. Unknowing.

… and my head drops. I care for little right now

I return to my nightmares.

———

© Stan M Rogers 2018

 

A NEW MUNDANITY.

 

 

Rescue me from mundanity my lover

You have always been on my mind, since I first never knew you

A hot Arizona night, walking an endless black top desert road looking at the stars above us

Each one a soft salty kiss on your dry warm lips.

The desert moon so full like a cold dead face hanging oppressively above our small lives, our blessed intense love.

Jumping a flatbed to Denver or Austin,

And us, sharing a pint of rot gut to keep the cold desert night from our hearts and welcoming Jack into our souls…

Wish Sal was here … Sharing the scent of our travel sweat. Dean too.

And through Missouri…Wish I had a crystal ball …

I could see your face so much better through the fog …

The clarity of knowing your troubled thoughts.

Travelling together …Carolina odyssey …White beaches, blue sea.

Reading my own lovelorn, lonely poetry to you under the shade tree …

In a town square, full of civil war memories…Oppression. Domination. Slavery

But we laugh it off…Both of us, we are no Martin Luther King’s to exorcise injustice.

Only mine. My own sad injustice. My own truth.

Lover … Meet me soon … You are too often in my crazy dreams. Never in my love enveloping arms.

Your face is always behind a veil of not knowingness

And I plead … Rescue me from mundanity my lover

A cold clear Scandinavian night … Jagged shimmering lights in a northern sky …

And you are with me … As always. Only a heartbeat away but so so far.

Holding my small work worn fingers in your own. I feel you now. I can imagine your warmth.

Tracing ‘Jeg elsker dig’ on the back of my hand with a slender loving fingertip.

Riding the train … A city … Somewhere … Entering a city … A no hope city … No trees, no green gardens.

Watching the evening lit windows from the train … Life going on out there in those small windows

In those rushing past snapshots … Secrets. Lust. Hate. Mundanity … Because it’s always there. Perhaps in me too although with you ….

I banish it … And, and, and yes, I am waiting for you…Please come to me soon my unknown lover.

 

Riding the bus in England’s sad heart.

Second city blues … Am I in my own lost England? Is this really my home?

Minarets fill the vista of a crumbling slowly disintegrating society … Full of dark faces. Foreign speech and unfamiliar ways.

I love them you say. They bring us our own destruction. New Anglo-Saxons… New invaders. You smile.

Slowly taking over … And you smile again and tell me a story about your younger years.

Lover I know you so well …We talk most nights … You hold me close …so close I can feel your heart, so close I can hardly breathe.

I can feel your sweet breath on my cheek as you whisper to me in my loneliness.

Is this to be my penance for not meeting you yet. My pain for this being away from you.

I can’t even imagine your name. I do try but it is always a quiet whisper away from me.

But I hear your voice and like everything in my life …

Are you too late. Will we ever meet or will we just pass each other by?

Will you leave me again?

Lover please … Save me from mundanity. And I will rescue you from a life of not having my kisses.

Not having my love, not feeling my heart beat beside yours.

Can you see me now? Can you feel me?  Do you dream of me on your lonely nights?

Or do my word echo in meaningless voids?

Crying out but never ever answered?

I am writing this for you now. I compose this for you.

Do you know me? … and still I look for you.

 

A red grape … A crushed Tuscan dream. A red stain on you ruffled white blouse.

One button too many undone. Temptation?

Blood of your heart or spilled wine?

But a smile that says I don’t care. I will never care when I am with you.

Wherever we are. Whoever we are… whatever we are.

 

Yes. Oh Yes, our morning … Driving to some dead-end job.

I left you this morning … Skinny legs sticking out from under the duvet. Hair in your face.

A mess…But my mess. Love tossed bed … Chipped cup of coffee left.

And save me from mundanity. Lover Please save me now.

I can barely exist with this pain,

And moving on. Are you with me lover? Not yet?

Are you the same as me? Seeing sense in darkness. Love in a gesture.

Are you thinking of me now?

Are you missing me … still unmet?

Do you yearn for your unknown lover as I do?

And we travel and love.

A small island off the African coast. And different stars above.

And always we said. Where we are means nothing.

A snowflake on a spring morning

Yesterday’s newspaper, last year’s worries

But we will have each other. No matter where we are. No matter the things we do.

And save me from mundanity my lover.

 

But my lover I fret. Words taken wrongly on a drunken night.

Misunderstanding. Fear of our own feelings

Fear for our lives. And still I wait for you my lover.

And still I search and I knew I had found you. Did I?

A city of holy spires and river walks.

Of hope and love.

Of dreams and talks, but you fell.

You lied and misled for no other reason than hurt

And I lost you on a crisis ridden night

Your dreams weren’t mine

Your needs not as sublime

And so?

Mundanity went on, you weren’t the one.

And still on this cold English day

Save me from myself, and Mundanity lover.

But …

Love is not dying away. Love is eternal.

Not fading or giving in

And I won’t lover. How could I give up hope so I seek you still?

And so now I move on … in your heart and your arms

In your love and your kindness

Is mundanity gone with Mid-Western dreams?

In middle America. Did my dream lie there?

My dream did my lover. You really did

But love warm sheets may warm again.

As warm as your hand in mine

Latte frosted lips may kiss again

My heart broke asunder one more time.

But you were the one.

Oh, my lover. You tease me so.

But you were truly the one.

You hide in my dreams, although you walk in my heart.

And I go on. Yearning for you lover.

And maybe destiny will still bring us together again

Or maybe cruel fate will forever keep us apart.

 

© 2017 Stan M Rogers. All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOVE SEX AND TIME TRAVEL

My book LOVE SEX AND TIME TRAVEL is not strictly a science fiction novel. More of a bittersweet romance mystery.

Here is a small excerpt from Chapter 7 exploring some theories on the viability of time travel.

Originally it was believed inconceivable that time travel was possible, as any action back in time would cause a paradox. The classic explanation quoted is that if you go back in time and kill your grandfather before he met your grandmother then your father would not be born and you could not therefore be born to travel back in time to kill your grandfather. I supposed that this could also apply here to with Romilly and me. If Romilly and I changed history by getting together and not splitting up this time then I wouldn’t marry Elaine and be where I was in 2007 to go back to meet Romilly. Nice little explanation of a time paradox that, but quantum theory allows for a multiversity of infinite universes side by side all branching out from each other and taking different paths from each different action taken and even rejoining as they come back into line.
So if I go back to kill my grandfather then I will cease to exist in that universe but in another I don’t kill him and so go on existing and don’t go back to kill him. Two new universes then exist, one with me in it and the other without. It gets a bit trickier to understand after that, but it seems these different time universes called ‘branes’ by the scientists can theoretically co-exist physically as little as a millimetre apart and there are an infinite amount of them too. By infinite I mean never ending too not just a very large amount either.
I read about quantum computers which we are apparently only a matter of time away from building. They are no faster than an ordinary computer but by using quantum mechanics they can dash off into hyper space and perform their calculation returning instantly with the answer a billion times or more all at the same time, time is irrelevant to them which is going to get a lot of governments worried as no passwords will be safe with them. For example say you have a 10,000 number password protecting your files or even a million then it won’t matter to a quantum computer. It can try every one of the millions of different combinations instantly and simultaneously. Don’t take my word for it. Look it up, it’s all on the internet.
But if any of you budding Doctor Who’s out there think it would be a cool Saturday morning’s work to nip out into the shed in the back garden and knock up a quick Tardis so you can nip back in time to place a bet on the lottery after getting the results, forget it, because although at least possible in theory to build one it would need the power of a black hole to power it up. It ain’t gonna be going nowhere on a few quid’s worth of unleaded I’m afraid. Also who can say if these universes have the same lottery results either?
But anyhow sitting there mulling these mind boggling thoughts over I started to think about dreams, another subject full of theory as to the mechanics and meanings of them. I even remembered reading many years ago about astral projection, which basically allows for the idea that by training the mind to enter a trance state the mind can leave the body and travel around at will. If different but similar branches of the same universe could be so close then maybe in a dream state couldn’t we maybe step from one to the other? In fact couldn’t dreams or even astral projection actually be that sometimes? Insights into a parallel universe that is right beside us. Little sleeping mind trips to a different universe or reality? Could that be what I was experiencing, not a trip back in time but just a small step to a close but slightly different reality in another time universe? My head tried to get around it but just found it so hard to understand it all. Also for instance if there were infinite numbers of universes co-existing would it not be a pretty small chance that Romilly and I had met up in the same one. Wouldn’t that make it statistically impossible I thought? But by following the theories through I realized that all I had just researched allowed for an infinite multiplicity of Romilly’s and even of me’s. Statistically impossible becomes possible maybe even probable. It’s like the old chestnut about being given an infinite amount of time a group of monkeys could type the entire works of Shakespeare. O My God I needed a drink to even start to get my head around that one. But was there any way I could test the theory myself? All of a sudden it came to me. Maybe there was. Just maybe there was a way that I could. But I would need to be back in 1981 to do it first.