I have recently arrived here in Columbus Ohio and I need to ask my UK friends a favour. (That is favour, not favor as my word-check is suggesting)
I need an emergency rescue package of items the Americans do not seem to supply.
1) I NEED BACON…. That being proper English bacon. Americans seem to think that the thin strips of fatty pork that they incinerate to the point of inedibility are bacon. THEY ARE NOT. This is proper bacon.
2) I NEED MARMITE… There are a multiplicity of items Americans have to put on bread or between it. But they do not have Marmite. I miss it badly.
3) Bread for the above 2 items. American bread is sweet.There is some OK bread here but I need Warburtons so stick a couple of loaves in please.
4) BLUE TAC. For some inexplicable reason this seems to be almost unobtainable here. Now come on Uncle Sam, how am I supposed to stick my Crimbo cards on the wall?
OK guys that’s about it for now. Please send my aid packet urgently. I am getting withdrawal symptoms. I will let you know of further requirements as they may arise.