All I want is for my dreams not to be taken away.
I asked for your truth… in belief, in certainty
I needed your love
As I gave it always
But I treasured those dreams
And yet …
I am losing my reason
My understanding … my mind
Yes my mind becomes clouded,
… my own feelings?
I fear I can no longer know them.
… and I do not know now which way to turn.
Judgement is lost now.
I am sure that in hell I will burn
As even now I feel that each day takes me one step
… one steady step down to perdition
One foot after the other I go down.
Descending to fire infernal… flames eternal
One dream after the other comes tumbling down
Every thought I have is immediately contradicted by another
And there’s no continuity in confusion
I thought I knew people
I thought I could read them
… but it is gone now
Open mouthed, wide eyed I live in a world of violent uncertainty
No beacons, no hand stretching out. No aid, no help
Just fear of not knowing any longer.
And the fear of losing my mind.
© 2018 Stan M Rogers. All rights reserved.
Can you tell?
Do you know?
To be suddenly alone…It burns
My heart it burns.
To be alone
Is lost in fog …That muffled sound
When nothing is clear
And everything dear has gone
Those that meant everything go by the by
Leave you… yes alone, totally alone
Stumbling through white layers of cold mist
Of your own doing
Your own fault
And you blame yourself for everything
Self induced tears brought on by yourself
Because you made decisions
You stood by them… Nailed them to your mast
You suffered by them
You gained the pain of that callousness
Of your own heart and soul
And even then things get darker still
The ringing of a fog crazed bell
Seems to guide you
To a dark and pain filled hell
No music here
No voices filled with hope
No happiness. No apologies
No thoughts other than your own
And you stumble on…Lead weighted feet
Pain wracked mind…and body through your own
Self disgust nips at your painful heels
As you wander aimlessly
In self perpetuating pain
As cold hard voices whisper
Viciously to your ears
No faces .. no lips
Just hate spat out of indeterminate voices
Behind you..Out of sight
And you cannot answer back
You deserve their scorn
Revel in it
Bathe in that disdain, like a warm pool
An old friend… Personal loathing
Of yourself and all you do
So walk on into hell my friend
You are so welcome here
You’ve joined the club
You’ve joined right up
And now you can see the fear
Mocking voices quieten
You will fit in so well here.