Single life sucks. But hey ho. It has to go on.Today was the ceremonial changing of the duvet day. I have only recently gone back to a duvet. They are quite unusual in the USA so I had a comforter, which equates to an eiderdown in the Uk, but I digress.
I have acquired a couple of new duvet sets back home in Blighty. It has never been my favourite pastime but it had to be done. And so.
First remove the old duvet cover, find dryer sheet from last weeks wash inside it and the sock I have been missing all week. Easy Peasy. Do up buttons on duvet to stop other washing ending up inside said duvet cover and place in washing machine along with pillow cases. I just do them separately as they are new and I reckon my rather garish choice in colours might lead to anything else washed with it taking on a black or purple tinge.
Smile in satisfaction and have a cuppa. Part one completed successfully.
Part 2. Get new clean duvet cover from airing cupboard and undo buttons. Find pair of undercrackers inside that I didn’t even realise I was missing
The struggle begins.
Try to get duvet inside cover. Give up in muck sweat after 5 minutes and retire, scratching head to finish off cold cuppa.
Attack task in a different manner. This time after a few minutes I realise that the duvet is on the floor and I am inside the cover. I stagger around like a demented multicoloured ghost encased in an ever tightening red and black duvet cover. A couple of crashes later and I escape, sweating profusely. I will win.
I pick up the broken ornamental vase I have broken from the floor. Bugger it. I’ll glue it up later.
I am not giving up and I attack the duvet cover again. Swearing seems to cow it into submission and I stand back with a satisfied grin on my face.
It is on… but inside out.
I sigh and go for a cuppa.
I decide on stealth tactics next and creep up on it. Grabbing both duvet and cover I grunt as I force the duvet into said cover. One button flies off and pings off my mirror. But it works.
Duvet is in cover… sideways. I retire, sobbing.
Finally through sheer bloody persistence I get it on. Not inside out. Not sideways on. Bloody perfect.
Remove washed duvet cover from machine. Buttons now undone and pillow cases hiding inside, a pathetic soggy screwed up mess. I put in drier.
It is only 11am but I pour a gin and tonic and sigh sadly.
I need a wife.
Copyright Stan M Rogers 2017.