Ben sat down. Everything was just too confusing. What had started as a normal boring Monday at work at ended up in insanity. He now had a leprechaun as an assistant, three crazy bald brothers who didn’t know which one was who and a dead man who he hadn’t met working in his department.
And now he had a zombie coming in to sort out his problems which were supposedly caused by Fuck Up Faeries. He groaned and rested his head in his hands. He had a headache. Every time the DeVito brothers marched by the glare of the lights reflected off of their heads causing him to screw up his eyes. He winced again as Faffy turned up in front of him.
“Mr Ben sorr. Are you feeling OK? Can I get you a coffee?
Ben groaned again as Faffy blew a triangular smoke ring from his pipe. This time it was pink. Ben groaned again and shook his head.
“Oi’ll take dat as a yes sorr.” Smiled Faffy.
In what seemed like seconds Faffy re-appeared with a mug of coffee. It had Frank stencilled on it.
“Is this Frank DeVito’s mug? Glared Ben.
“Well strictly speaking yes sorr but seeing as he doesn’t know he’s here today youse can use it sorr.”
Ben went to take a sip but just before the coffee touched his lips he remembered the last one and stopped.
Putting it down he looked at Faffy questioningly.
“It hasn’t got the same stuff in it as earlier has it Faffy?”
“No sorr Mr Ben. Oi promise you it hasn’t.”
Ben looked re-assured and took a gulp. He needed coffee.
Five minutes later when Ben returned from the toilet still gagging after drinking what seemed like a gallon of water to quell the burning in his throat he grabbed Faffy.
“Faffy you little shite. You promised me it didn’t have the same stuff in it.” He gasped.
“Sorr It didn’t, squealed Faffy, dat was different stuff!”
“Hmmm.” Said Ben. But you said….”
Ben decided not to pursue it.
“Oi have arranged for all that work that has been returned sorr to be put in the back of da warehouse so the DeVito’s can sort it out Mr Ben.” Said Faffy placatingly. “They’ll work better on dere own sorr.”
“But there’s over a weeks worth Faffy. It will take them ages on their own.”
“Well we better get dem started toot sweet Mr Ben. Oi have arranged a tea urn for them down there so they won’t need to stop.”
Ben was about to ask if the urn would have poteen in it too but decided he didn’t want to know.
“OK Faffy get those DeVito’s working. Let’s see what they can do.”
Faffy called the DeVito’s over and explained to them what needed doing.
Ben thought for a moment.
“Faffy why don’t I get tee shirts made up with their names printed on them? Then they’d know and we’d know which one was which.”
“Not a good oidea Mr Ben.”
Why not Faffy. Seems perfectly logical to me?”
“Well sorr no it has been tried. They just stand around arguing because they have de wrong shirts on.”
“Hmmm.” Said Ben. “I suppose logic doesn’t loom too large in the DeVito’s lives then Faffy.”
“You have hit de nail on de proverbial head dere Mr Ben. It doesn’t even glimpse daylight dere at all at all.”
Faffy glanced towards the door.
“Aha sorr. Here comes Robert (not Bob).
Ben looked over and saw a tall thin man walking in apparently talking to himself.
“It’s OK Mr Ben he is talking to Lonely Len the Phantom. Getting the lowdown as it were.”
“But…but..but… I can’t see him? Cried Ben.
“Bejasus sorr oi forgot. Here. Try a sip of this. Oi promise you it’s as soft and sweet as Mrs Faffy’s kisses.”
Ben eyed the small phial that Faffy offered him suspiciously.”
“Just troi it sorr.”
Ben sniffed it. It smelled sweet. Almost like musk perfume. He tried a sip.
Nothing happened. Ben sighed. Then realized he could see a hazy form beside Robert (not Bob)
“Meet Lonely Len.” Laughed Faffy. And of course not to forget Mr Robert (not Bob) too. He is the one with the slightly green tinge sorr.
© 2013 Stan M Rogers. All rights reserved.
TO BE CONTINUED…