Just something I wrote back in May.
Sometimes I get frightened
I lay in the primeval darkness
Car headlights run across the ceiling
Unnatural shadows chase across my walls
Mad distorted shadows
A slide show from hell
And I feel fear.
In my dark warm bed cocoon. I feel my heart pumping
In my tight sweating chest.
And I fear panic as it comes again
Waves of demons attacking my very sanity.
Trying to crush my very soul
Visiting me in those early quiet hours
Unwelcome visitors. Brushing my eyes.
With a dew of tears as I cry to myself
My mind wanders over such minutiae
Did I do this right?
Did I say the wrong thing?
It is so hard when I work alone
Always alone. Always that way.
I squeeze my pillow… old friend
Constant as nothing else
And as the hands on the clock slowly count off the half hours
As my fingers clasp each other
In sweaty clammy fear
Doom…. terrible feelings of impending doom and
Worse….. Knowing that doom will come
Again after this time
They will never desert me. They love me too much
Feeding on the darkness of my very soul
Suckling my life essence
Draining me of imagined joy
Emptying me like.. it seems
A drunk and his gin bottle
But I pray for dawn. Those first rays
Of new better days
Knowing they won’t come……….
Knowing I try too hard.
Show love in such a poor sad world
Seems that in my case
I always pay…….