This was written in the Summer as a poem and I suppose as an aid to self examination. Since then I have used it in The Seer Of Albion but greatly changed. See what you think and I will put up the transformed version when it is fully edited for The Seer.
I like to watch the moon and stars
And all the time he fought
Fear was the worst protagonist, in most ways.
And also self doubt
It appeared constantly…showed no remorse
As a lover. As an angel.
And he reached out for that angel.
Embraced her willingly
Even as claws of solitude raked his back
And arms….steely locked around his softness
Drew out his feeling….replacing it with dark desire
“Forget Love.” She whispered in his ear.
“That is weakness and human. It is of little consequence.”
“It makes no sense.”
Slowly he nodded his head and searched himself
Searched so deep. Inside spirit and dreams.
And small words came through but were beaten back
I love you……. became I use you
I care…… became I abuse you.
Sweetness became saccharin
The voice told him and the angel smiled.
This soul was hers now. And she knew
Raking his cheek with a talon
He saw soft fingers stroking…dripping his life blood
Not sharp hate filled blades of steel
But as he lay….spread-eagled. Drugged by uncertainty
He saw. The way things are
This angel was nothing more than human
Turning green shoots to brown withered falling leaves
Carcasses of spring growth thrown away
Healthiness turned to sickness
And he fought back
He raised his prone body
Faced the angel
“You dismiss us, our love, and our feelings.”
But she beat him down again. Leathery wings unfolding
A hiss of poisoned breath
“Fool.” She sneered. “By showing feeling you show weakness, you show care. So wasteful”
But the man laughed weakly…. shook his head to smile
“I know you are me. And I can always fight me.”
“You are no more than the negativity within me.”
And she rose above him. Knowing she had won.
“Of course I am negativity. You call it that but it is realism. It is above all HUMAN. Why care about people. They will hurt you without a second thought.” She grinned. A sweet smile to him. A sneer to others.
“Forget compassion…it is the weakness of the poor. Use people. Use their weak friendship to further yourself. They are easily cast away. Others will offer you the same. It doesn’t matter.”
Dark leathery wings turned to garments of silk as she smiled at the man.
You are mine now she thought. Weakness is within you.
And he felt weakness.
And he knew sadness.
But he felt strength.
And he sat up.
“All you say is based on weakness. Your weakness, not mine. You find pleasure in pain. You are the evil within me but although I have inherent evil I chose to rise above it. I choose to care, to love and of this I am certain. You are wrong.”
The angel thought. The angel sighed; she could break this man so easily. His body was frail. No more than a breath would break him. But that would be defeat for her. She would lose.
“Yes I am human, a callous smile, look before you…look at this world. Look at people. “
“People are shallow. They make promises but promises are worthless. They mean nothing. Puffs of smoke in the wind. Make them. Break them and make more.” She settled down beside him stroking his arm with false gentleness.
And the man pushed her hand away and replied. “They may be your promises. And yours are worth nothing. But I believe in truth. A promise broken destroys the promiser. Slowly and surely each broken truth destroys the soul. Each one made and kept brings strength.”
Her soft blue eyes flashed red. And she felt pain and possible loss.
“Join us and I will release you from pain and doubt. No more worry. No more shame. You can use people with impunity. You will see. Be strong. Have courage. Peoples softness betrays them and they pay our price.”
And he was tempted. Such satisfaction at living life for the moment and again….self doubt. Why couldn’t he accept this? Why couldn’t he believe this?
And he fell again trying to absorb his own utter failure.
To believe in himself. His lack of perfection. How easy to give in. To take….Not to give. Just life for pure pleasure. Such hedonism. Such great heights. So very easy.
And angel purred. She could see his doubt. Impurity within this man.
He lay before her. It would be so easy to take him now. To have his soul. To join the others.
She felt such pleasure. Another one taken in. Another to join her harem of wasted souls. It had been so easy in the end. Another man.
But then suddenly she knew pain herself and her mind felt fear. Something was wrong. All her certainty dissipated as the man rose again. She knew as he looked into her eyes that he had made his choice.
And his face set in a look of pity. His hands outspread….he stood.
Weakly at first, but he stood and looked down at her. And as his strength grew…hers weakened.
And he said. “I reject you totally. I am a man. I am strong.”
I believe in myself. I believe in others.
I forgive them their weakness, their base desires as I hope they can forgive my own
I see goodness in life, and love in people although it is sometimes hidden
Yours is the weakness. Not mine. For you mock. You use
And from that comes contempt and weakness of the soul.
Strength is in trust and belief. In love and understanding.
For that takes effort. To dismiss and be cruel is too easy…
And the angel cried and shrunk away from him in fear
Never before had she lost a soul and in that humility she learnt
From weakness comes fortitude
From understanding comes enlightenment
And from unquestioning love comes pure joy.
From death……………….comes rebirth.
©2009 Stan Rogers